92

So let's get one thing straight, I am not, now nor have I ever been, addicted to eating used bowling pins. I just tried it a few times with and without the grease. Now that's out of the way, let's talk about the shirt. Maybe later. I've been not having this dream recently where I'm a cowboy but being half cow is depressing so I try to buy some wooden legs from a homeless pirate that has two wooden legs. The thing is that he uses one of the legs as an arm and I rip it right off as I sing a lullaby. Can anyone explain what this dream could mean and why I'm not having the dream?

ninety won

First off, I'm holding flag spinners cuz my shirt says liberty and what says liberty more than spinners? Second off, this used to be a plain old shirt that I spruced up with my own style. The bird is saying "not again" because it recently struggled with athletes talon and just realized it came back like a clogged toilet when you try to flush. It's also a shirt that can be warn on dressy occasions like a barn raising or to a brother's 8th wedding. Rumor has it 9 time's the charm but don't tell his wife that. I just thought the phrase on the back would be funny, like a lady with a blond mustache that has a hint of red in it. Seems to have worked out just like I thought. That, or the feeling I am feeling isn't laughter but something to do with my arm being stuck in the garbage disposal.

9D

It's called moto-surfing. You know, surfing on the top of a moving vehicle. I'm obviously not on a moving vehicle in the picture cuz the driver had to get out and take the picture. How could he do that without parking the van first? He can't; that's how. Like a penguin that grew the first opposable thumb, I was tickled a whole different color white to moto-surf for the first time. To bring the analogy closer to home, it's like finding your keys after loosing them down their dogs throat, waiting for them to come out, and then realizing those weren't your keys but your balding brother's wig. Make sense?

A Day Nahn

Yes I got skills! You need me to prove it? Fine! Here are a couple of examples. First off, Tommy Trouble of the 3rd grade said I'd never learn to swing on the monkey bars but look who proved him wrong... The second example involves top secret government photos involving a rare form of flower that I accidentally ate and they x-rayed my stomach to prove it. So let's skip to the third example. I am able to dunk. Does it really matter that there was no ball and the hoop is only 7 feet high? Nope. Still counts Suzzie something of 9th grade!

80 rac8

Did I actually go to Seattle back in 1978? No, but I didn't kick the fake Santa at the mall in the shin and call him ugly either and I don't see you giving me credit for that. This is just like that time my uncle Petrid watch a documentary on snakes swallowing large animals and it gave him the idea to dislocate his own jaw and eat a whole watermelon. He managed to get it in alright but getting it out was the hard part. Oh, and what he calls watermelons are actually large rocks he finds in his rain gutters. How? I don't know. Why? He's crazy. Who? Now you're just asking stupid questions.

Ate 'E' 7

To start out, I'd like to visit, once again, my poetry corner and this poem was inspired by one of my friends:
There once was a man from Nantucket,
He lived 'till he kicked the bucket.
Now his family doesn't mind,
That he is gone all the time.
You poor drunk that looks like Upchucket.

This has been another look into my poetry corner. I do specialized poems upon request as well.
It may or may not be true that I'm a part of this pilot club. It also may or may not be true that none of us in the club actually own a plane bigger than the size of a swollen hand. Which means that we may or may not just run around with our arms out like wings and making air plane sounds. If such were the case, which it may be, then this would be me demonstrating my pilot skills as I fly over a local mountain.

eighty sicks

Every champion and champoin needs a trophy just like this. It could be real, fake, or fakely real but it's needed. If I didn't get the trophy for this fake spelling competition, as implied by my shirt,  then where did I get it? Truth be told it's the trophy I won when I was a baby. I had the 'best personality' and it wasn't talking about the brand of diapers I was sporting either! It was actually in reference to my second biggest toe I'm pretty sure. It's name was Personality so that has to be it. Since I was no higher than knee high to a large lady I can't remember what my acceptance speech was like so I'd like to give that speech now:
Friends, family and all you millions of illegal aliens, I would like to say how grateful I am for this award and all the hours of under paid and exploited labor that went into making this trophy. I would also like to thank the people of  http://www.bustedtees.com/  for making such awesome shirts like this one. I would also like to thank the plumbers of the nation for keeping things moving. You're an inspiration to high school drop outs and viewers like you. Thank you.