one hundred 4

Oh, the lengths I go to for accuracy in pictures. I even did the mouth the exact same and you can't tell but I was bucked before the picture was taken. That is the lengths I'll go to for it cuz there ain't no way without promising me a life time supply of jelly beans in a house without a mouse that I would even get close to doing the other word. If you read the shirt, you know which word I'm talking about. The "since" word. That's just too inappropriate to show online if you know what I mean. Risky business was my uncle's invisible toe's name and doesn't describe the way I run this blog that you billions of people read.

1 oh 3

Transformers in vehicle form fight other transformers in vehicle form, hence the picture. In one of the pictures you can see my head lights really well. I'm fighting a minivan in the first picture. I like to write facts sometimes. The sky is blue. That bunion on my aunt Clancy's foot is not comforting to rub. There is no amount of money that could get me to bite that thing off either.

One Oh Two

Well there's so much to say right when you have a carrot or a gorilla's fist in your mouth and since my words can't be spoken I'll write what I'd like to say. Who knew gorilla's would go for a carrot in a mouth? No I do. It could have been worse. I could have put super glue in my mouth cuz I forgot to bring peanut butter to attract flies like the poor schmuck beside me. You can't see it but he's agreeing with me right now... wait! Stupid bobble head! Make up your mind. Agree or don't! At least the electric stapler expresses itself clearly. For instance, I stick my hand by it's mouth and it doesn't like that cuz it'll staple me. Office supplies could learn a lesson or two from the wise electric stapler.

101

Some people prefer the hand stand. Like a mosquito in a nudest colony, I'm not sure where to begin on this one. How bout I start at the end, then tell the middle and pretend the beginning didn't exist? Well, then it was worse than that time I accidentally ate the barbed wire intentionally. Which reminds me of this time when I was hungry out in the middle of the field at a farm. "You don't have to turn your head and cough in this situation," is all I heard.

ONE HUNDRED

Imagine that your locked in a store over night and you need to find food to eat, would you kill to live or wait till someone finds you? Keep in mind it's a battered animal store and all the animals are over priced. It's a tuff call isn't it? Almost as tuff and as that one dog was... Tuff as in stubborn, not tuff as in it's taste! Don't be crazy! I wonder sometimes what you people think. It doesn't last long cuz I usually spend most of my time wondering how they get soy sauce into those tiny packets without child labor... Oh! and this is a shirt I made about the original Willey Wonka movie, and if you looked at all the pictures you totally checked out my butt cuz one of them is of my rump!

99

Balancing on a fire hydrant reminds me of the holidays that my family would get together and decorate a fire hydrant. In true thanksgiving day style we decorated one in toilet paper and bags of nacho chips. It only got weird when the neighbors started throwing rocks at us and calling us hobos. We weren't homeless though! we totally had a luxurious refrigerator box and duct tape. They totally would have changed their words if they knew that. Coincidentally we're not allowed on George Lucas' lawn anymore.

9 ate

If you don't know what Kryptonite than ask your local super hero fan. Kryptonite makes superman weak and I make all the super attractive gals out there weak. Give in already eh! Oh and the picture with me holding just an 'A' totally made my A look big. Get it?

n9ne D 7

Some said I couldn't take a seductive picture. Well they're probably right because I didn't take this picture, I just was in it. If you're wondering how I got such a straight back in the picture, I owe it all to the stick I pulled of my great uncle's butt. Usually people just say that as an expression but this time it was real. After it was cleaned, sanitized and melted down and reforged, we made good use of it. He's a happier fella now in case you were wondering.

Ninety 6

This is how I look when I camp yo! Besides all the attractiveness and amazingness of me in this picture, it's not very good. Like when you see a stoned banana on the side of the road, it's best to just leave it there.

95

The shirt is in tribute to Land of The Lost, the book and or movie! I'd write more about it but are you really reading or looking at the pictures?

non tee four

Even super heroes take time to stop and smell the roses, and I'm not referring to the elephant's pooper scooper that works for the circus with the name Rose. You know how western movies have duels where two cowboys and/or cowgirls try to shoot each other at the same time? Well take that same scenario and instead of guns they flash each other with fancy pictures featuring them touching flowers and I totally would have still lost. At least I gave it an honest try though right? The next time that happens I'll be more prepared you yellow bellied cow sniffing photographers!

A nine and then a three

I gave a photographer and told him to make me look really good. What came out was me so far in the distance you have no choice but to think I'm attractive. Unlike the Gorganzillias that are known for eating their young's socks,.... well besides the whole sock eating thing I'm pretty sure we're the same. There was one time when their chief sneezed and it looked like me. To show a returned kind gesture I sneezed as well, but mine came out looking more like Bill Cosby made out of lime jello. I don't know why or how far I'm physically capable of falling from without dying but one day I'll know.

92

So let's get one thing straight, I am not, now nor have I ever been, addicted to eating used bowling pins. I just tried it a few times with and without the grease. Now that's out of the way, let's talk about the shirt. Maybe later. I've been not having this dream recently where I'm a cowboy but being half cow is depressing so I try to buy some wooden legs from a homeless pirate that has two wooden legs. The thing is that he uses one of the legs as an arm and I rip it right off as I sing a lullaby. Can anyone explain what this dream could mean and why I'm not having the dream?

ninety won

First off, I'm holding flag spinners cuz my shirt says liberty and what says liberty more than spinners? Second off, this used to be a plain old shirt that I spruced up with my own style. The bird is saying "not again" because it recently struggled with athletes talon and just realized it came back like a clogged toilet when you try to flush. It's also a shirt that can be warn on dressy occasions like a barn raising or to a brother's 8th wedding. Rumor has it 9 time's the charm but don't tell his wife that. I just thought the phrase on the back would be funny, like a lady with a blond mustache that has a hint of red in it. Seems to have worked out just like I thought. That, or the feeling I am feeling isn't laughter but something to do with my arm being stuck in the garbage disposal.

9D

It's called moto-surfing. You know, surfing on the top of a moving vehicle. I'm obviously not on a moving vehicle in the picture cuz the driver had to get out and take the picture. How could he do that without parking the van first? He can't; that's how. Like a penguin that grew the first opposable thumb, I was tickled a whole different color white to moto-surf for the first time. To bring the analogy closer to home, it's like finding your keys after loosing them down their dogs throat, waiting for them to come out, and then realizing those weren't your keys but your balding brother's wig. Make sense?

A Day Nahn

Yes I got skills! You need me to prove it? Fine! Here are a couple of examples. First off, Tommy Trouble of the 3rd grade said I'd never learn to swing on the monkey bars but look who proved him wrong... The second example involves top secret government photos involving a rare form of flower that I accidentally ate and they x-rayed my stomach to prove it. So let's skip to the third example. I am able to dunk. Does it really matter that there was no ball and the hoop is only 7 feet high? Nope. Still counts Suzzie something of 9th grade!

80 rac8

Did I actually go to Seattle back in 1978? No, but I didn't kick the fake Santa at the mall in the shin and call him ugly either and I don't see you giving me credit for that. This is just like that time my uncle Petrid watch a documentary on snakes swallowing large animals and it gave him the idea to dislocate his own jaw and eat a whole watermelon. He managed to get it in alright but getting it out was the hard part. Oh, and what he calls watermelons are actually large rocks he finds in his rain gutters. How? I don't know. Why? He's crazy. Who? Now you're just asking stupid questions.

Ate 'E' 7

To start out, I'd like to visit, once again, my poetry corner and this poem was inspired by one of my friends:
There once was a man from Nantucket,
He lived 'till he kicked the bucket.
Now his family doesn't mind,
That he is gone all the time.
You poor drunk that looks like Upchucket.

This has been another look into my poetry corner. I do specialized poems upon request as well.
It may or may not be true that I'm a part of this pilot club. It also may or may not be true that none of us in the club actually own a plane bigger than the size of a swollen hand. Which means that we may or may not just run around with our arms out like wings and making air plane sounds. If such were the case, which it may be, then this would be me demonstrating my pilot skills as I fly over a local mountain.

eighty sicks

Every champion and champoin needs a trophy just like this. It could be real, fake, or fakely real but it's needed. If I didn't get the trophy for this fake spelling competition, as implied by my shirt,  then where did I get it? Truth be told it's the trophy I won when I was a baby. I had the 'best personality' and it wasn't talking about the brand of diapers I was sporting either! It was actually in reference to my second biggest toe I'm pretty sure. It's name was Personality so that has to be it. Since I was no higher than knee high to a large lady I can't remember what my acceptance speech was like so I'd like to give that speech now:
Friends, family and all you millions of illegal aliens, I would like to say how grateful I am for this award and all the hours of under paid and exploited labor that went into making this trophy. I would also like to thank the people of  http://www.bustedtees.com/  for making such awesome shirts like this one. I would also like to thank the plumbers of the nation for keeping things moving. You're an inspiration to high school drop outs and viewers like you. Thank you.

8 E 5

If only I had a shirt to say the words that would impress you and yet make you feel like my friend. Oh wait. I can't tell you my wish can I? Dang it grandmother! You tricked me again. This situation which I am referring to right now that doesn't actually exist but could inside any raptor dinosaur reminds me of the time I chased a tiger out of my neighborhood. It was not till later that I realized it was my arch enemy's mice collection. How was I supposed to know that right outside of my neighborhood was the food plant that gives all it's food to the orphans and by chasing the mice into it I may have caused the orphans to be poisoned? I'll tell you how... I didn't. That's how!

Eighty phor

Before you say anything, i only have this shirt cuz my 11 year old brother wanted me to get it to match his. Figure that one out you Oprah wannabes!

Eighty three

This shirt only applies if the cave is under or beside ground. If It's floating in the air or is equal to or less than my neighbors nose, don't worry.

Ate ee two

I am under the weather and this is the best i can come up with. To be continued.

A T 1

He's holding up his sign that says "yo" and I'm holding mine that says love... or cheese. It's amazing how often those two coincide. If you haven't figured it out by now, this is Inspector Gadget and the words are from Vanilla Ice's hit song "Ice Ice Baby." Is there anything else you want me to spell out for you? If there is, please refer your question to my uncle Tom who is currently in the loony bin. So how will he spell things out for you? Let's just say he eats a lot of scrabble pieces and a lot of beans in there. Figure that one out on your own.

Eight dee

If You're thinking you can't tell what the shirt says just know this is one of my non-funny shirts. It's a rare but true fact. The shirt just has a tire with wings. Yea

70 nine

It appears as though posing like the blue ranger did on this shirt doesn't look as good without the tights and helmet. It wouldn't be the first time I've made that mistake. Trying to talk like Julia Child doesn't make you a better cook either. As you probably know/can tell already this is back when Power Rangers were super cool as they taught us to fight for what's right while learning the moral of the stories along the way. For those who have seen Arrested Development the show, you might notice that the red ranger in this shirt is making the same pose as Steve Holt when he says "Steve Holt!" Those of you that haven't seen Arrested Development just focus on the part of the shirt where the Megazord is getting it's leg blasted out from under it but in a triumphant kind of way.