Sweven see Free

Some people have real grand children while other people borrow their mother's doll that's dressed in a Halloween costume for a picture of them wearing a shirt that says "#1 Grandpa." I don't think I'll say which one of those categories I fall under. Now look back at the picture with the teeter totter and imagine me jumping on my end and launching that doll up so high in the air it'd be at least three and a half feet from the ground. Amazing right? Wrong! Children shouldn't be subjected to cruel things like that or have to listen to any song by Cher even for a moment. Trust me. I'm a #1 grandpa. Some of you might be thinking that there's no way I could really be so young and be a grandpa. Well I got a slap in the left elbow and news for you. There are some countries where it's considered weird and out of place to have lived for this long with no grand children. I don't know where those places are or even if they're human beings but still. You never know!... unless of course you find them then you'd most assuredly know.

Seventy Too

The only chain link fence near me was at the local elementary school so, as you can imagine, it was a little awkward trying to hurry and take a picture without looking like a Michael Jackson wanna be. I think it was a success. I wish I could say the same thing about my great uncle Charleston. The poor guy loved butterflies so much that he chased one into the middle of the street and got hit by an El Camino and that knocked him into a coma for three and a half weeks minus two and a half weeks. I don't think I can make that point any clearer, but just a word of advice: Always milk the cows before counting your chickens names... or something like that.

seVen tee 1

I'm obviously lifting the rear end of this van. You can't see it so well but lets just say I'm giving the springs on the van a rest. Just because I'm not lifting it above my head doesn't mean the shirt is false. If it looks like I'm in pain I don't understand why. Maybe it's cuz my facial cues. This is actually me being happy. When I'm angry I smile and why I cry it looks like I'm sneezing in the middle of a laugh. Scientist once studied my brain to find out why that is but apparently no one's brain is in the same place so they had no way of finding it. Maybe one day they'll upgrade from wooden tools and using cats for the cat scans and find where a persons brain is. There's always hope right?

Seven D

yet another super hero shirt with soda in hand next to a coca-cola bin means only one thing... i like eating plastic food.

Six ty nine

The childish fantasy of all orphans is shown in this picture. Your're welcome

6 D 8

I am jumping over the hedge like a jumping hog. Get it? Hedge hog. I just laughed a little bit but that probably has a lot to do with a random hand tickling my arm pit. There are obviously different ways to laugh through text. There's the over used 'lol.' There is the seemingly loud laughing 'Bahahaha.' The classic and most frequented laugh is just a simple 'hahaha.' But I think everyone agrees with me that the most girlish and flirtatious one is 'tee hee.' When I read that for some reason I get "as giddy as a school boy..." (can you name the movie that's from?) I have also come to realize that everyone has their own way of most effective flirting for themselves. Some think that if they're given a fat pig that's considered flirting. Some think that touching the elbow, ear or shin are the most flirtatious way to let the person know you like them. So for all you 'tee hee' writing and elbow, ear and shin touchers out there, good luck!

7, 6

I think it's wise to assume that just because the shirt says something, it doesn't mean that the something said to being done is actually being done by me. Make sense? I know that's pretty deep. I'm filled with deep insights like that. My aunt Lucinda says my deep thoughts came from all the deep gashes I had in my head when, as a child, I was dropped down a flight of stairs onto a large picture frame that shattered when I landed on it. As another example of my deep-thoughtedness, I have prepared and original poem for you:
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating his Christmas pie.
He put in his thumb,
And he pulled out a plum,
And said, "There has to be a better way to eat this darn plum pie. I should have stuck with a cookie."
 (Applause)
Thank you.

Six a T Six

If you're reading this blog for the sixty sixth day you're amazing for one of three and a half reasons. 1-You have no life. 2-You're a man or woman of good taste. 3- You want to start a fancy shirt collection of your own and you look at the blog for ideas. If so, you should try http://www.bustedtees.com/fantasybaseball . 1/2-You've realized that balloons aren't meant for...(I told you, you only get half of that reason). But all are good reasons. I hope that each day you wake up looking forward, not backwards, to reading this blog of brilliant pictures featuring an attractive fella and words filled with nothing but the English alphabet. So slap your nearest non-pig pig and just wait cuz I ain't even half way through my shirt collection yet and my day of birth remembrance is coming up and I may or may not be expecting more shirts as gifts. (sounds of crowds cheering in the background followed by sudden silence and sporadic coughing throughout the crowd)

Slixty Flive

Tis a Batman shirt! Like a flying ant-eater that's stuck inside a gigantic orange muskrat, this is just amazing. I don't know if you realize this but there seems to be a little bit of a debate out there about who is better between Batman and Superman. To me that's as crazy of a notion as my grandpa trying to stick his foot behind his head simply to see if his feet stink from behind? It's all about the situations if you ask me. Not every super hero is best for every situation. For example, bare feet are preferred for swimming but not for cross country running. While shoes, on the other hand are good for cross country running but not ideal for swimming. See what I mean? If you do have a preference on what the best super hero is please let me know.

Sixty Flour

If you're one of the few people that are offended by this shirt you should just read the top and not the bottom. Kinda like when you see an attractive person that has a great set of eyes but a terrible smile. Another example would be if you saw three elephants wearing pajamas standing on top of each other but the bottom elephant's pajamas have Britney Spears' head on them. You just can't look at the bad part, only the good. That's one of those metaphors for life. "Look at the good in things and not the ugly." I guess that phrase only works if the thing you're looking at isn't completely ugly on the outside. If you crochet that saying on a pillow or through paint covered nerds at a wall till that saying is visible, please let me know.

Six tea three

It's a fish shirt and a fish cutting board. Get it?

Sixte Tou

I don't think you should be surprised at all that I'm wearing another super hero shirt. If you knew me at all you'd know that this shirt is one of the many that go along with my personality. Course, there's not many shirts that don't go with my personality. My personality is actually a shirt. NASA said that it was a rarity among humans and my doctor said "Why the heck are you asking me? I'm not a doctor, I just work fast food and I have a cold." The story goes on more from there and involves two flamingos and a Michael Jackson impersonator but you get the jest of what probably happened. I passed out for most of it so I'm not exactly sure what happened either. Ask the blue elf if you want to know what really happened.

Sixtyee One

This is what happens when I tried to start a fire with just two ice cubes like good old Chuck. If you notice, it didn't exactly work for me but with him he could do anything. That reminds me of the that summer I spent with my aunt and uncle. I may have mentioned it before but they may or may not have spent the majority of the time thinking that corn  on the cob was some form of transistor radio. When we found out that wasn't right we were all really disappointed. Thank goodness that disappointment didn't last to long because we found a squirrel that looked just like Dennis Rodman without the multy colored hair and tatoos but it was totally him. My uncle was even trying to take basketball lessons from him for a few days. His lessons stopped when my aunt accidentally caught and cooked it, but it wasn't as bad as you think. She put a nice glaze on it.

Sixaty

Yes folks the rumors are true! I'm not exactly sure what the rumors are or how they got started but I am fairly confident I know what's going on. On a completely similar note, hopefully you can pass this eye test. After I confirmed the truthfulness and accuracy of this shirt with my long lost brother in the mirror this morning I cam to a realization. Jam and jelly resemble each other like ketchup and catsup but no one knows the difference. Scientist maintain that the variations of the substance came from the hill people that were too drunk off the jam that they couldn't remember how they did it. Maybe one day we will know the difference little Jimmy. One day...

Fiphtee Nine

Why am I flying? Let me answer that question with another question. Who loves burritos? Pretend you know what I mean and I'll pretend to know what I'm talking about. This beauty of a shirt is another one of the BustedTees.com shirts and it's on sale yall! http://www.bustedtees.com/wholovesburritos My great grandma Silvester, before she got lost in the toilet paper section of a store for three days, would tell us to "always buy things that are on sale even if you don't need it. That's why I married your great grandfather. No one else would take him."  I want the relationship they had except for having to sleep in one of the vents and the whole not being aloud to speak without the speaking cap on thing. Great grand-daddy always smelt something fierce and I assume the vent he slept in was to blame. Anyways, may the sales be with you, always!

FiFty 8

I bet you think you know how I did the pose picture of myself. You're probably even picture me being a streaker. I know how tempting that is to like that mental image. Most people do. I actually had several pictures and poses for it but after being kicked out of three and a half stores for trying to streak it just got annoying. So I decided to streak in front of my own house so the neighbors could see. I once heard a guy streaked across his windows till his neighbors couldn't stand it anymore and bought him some curtains. Of course all of you know the kind of streaking I'm talking about is the streaks that are left on glass after they're clean. Some try to get rid of these streaks but not me. I'm a streaker! Now watch me streak!

50 Sweven

Paraphrasing, if I could for a moment here, the beloved childrens character Barney the Dinosaur, he (which turned out to be a she in the costume) said "This shirt is Super-dee-duper!" It may not be an exact quote but it's true none the less. I got this shirt from BustedTees.com and it's only 10 bucks. I would let my little step brother know that but he usually sticks any ten dollar bills, that he comes in contact with, up his nose. You might be thinking that we should just let him have two five dollar bills but those go right in the mouth. I don't even wanna tell you where one dollar bills go. He's fine with 20's and above. If you're like my little step brother and my uncle Gintoo, don't worry. There's plenty of shirts that are ten bucks. Let me know if yall find some really cool shirts out there!

And remember to keep your dogs and illegal aliens on a leash and clean up after them. This is our world too!

http://www.bustedtees.com/donttasemebro

Five to the Six

You can't tell me that Batman wouldn't crouch like this on a camping trailer. Well, I suppose you could but that wouldn't really mean anything, because if Batman had a camp trailer that needed to be crouched on, it would look like this. It might also look like my aunt Hulua trying to eat a grape that's stuck in between her toes. We let her try to get it for a few hours until my cousin told her that it wasn't a grape, it was a shadow. I've never seen a grown woman cry out of her ears before that day. Odds are I'll never see it again, but she was that upset... at least until she found a ham on the ceiling in the corner. I figure one of these days we'll let her know that it was really paint peeling off the walls with a little bit of sheet rock.

Fiver Five

Pedro offers you his protection. Please note that Pedro is a fictional character and thus this is not a real offer. Like a goat formerly named Pingle, you must stop eating cans and second hand paper plates. What does that have to do with this? Why is there a white flexing arm in the picture? Why am I asking you questions I don't know the answers to? We'll never know...

Fiftee 4

As per request by the owner of this car, I took this picture referring to this old car with rust and a flat tire as ugly. My aunt Ruthamus had, what looked to be, a flat tire for a stomach and she got remarried to a guy that owned his own place up in the woods where there were no phones and people hardly ever went. We haven't seen her since they got married in one of those "chapels of love" that have the drive through window, but when we see her husband digging through the trash outside of the movie theater we ask how she is. He says she's fine and just busy doing stuff up at the house. He had her purse so I know he was telling the truth. The point is that even ugly people can get married. Oh, and yada yada yada there's always someone to think an ugly person, place or thing is beautiful.

5 three

Some people fall out of planes. Some people fall out of moving cars when their aunt pushes them out (not that I hold any bitter feelings towards you about that one time on the freeway aunt Zinga). Others fall out of the third story window of an office building because they were trying to hang a picture on the window but the window was already open. Me, I fell out of my house. You try running backwards with turtles strapped to your feet! It ain't easy. I'm not saying that I had turtles strapped to my feet when this happened, I would just like to see someone try. I sincerely hope that you understand what all of this had to do with today's shirt. If you can't, please ask the next person you see for help because if you don't understand this, odds are, that any other person in the world is smarter than you. No offense. Hey mom! I just made fun of people and told them "no offense" so they wont get mad at me. I think they fell for it too! Oh dang it! I've been writing what I say again. Just ignore those last few sentences if you're one of the not smart people I made reference to.

5ty 2

The worst thing about giving up is that there is only one 'v' in the phrase. If you were to add another 'v' and possible a capital 'Q' then givviQng up would be cooler and more people would do it. I mention it because I almost gave up on my long walk to the nearest sewer for this picture. It was at least 15 steps. Any more than that and I may not have made it in one trip. BUT, as everyone knows, the Ninja Turtles live in the sewers of New York and so my local sewer is the closest thing I have to it. I was going to pop out of it like Donatello is doing in the shirt but my uncle Lynus tried that one time and a semi came by right as he popped out. He is not literally half the man he used to be. That's both funny and sad like a crying mime. I don't know whether to cry or laugh when I see them fake cry...

fif-a-tea one

For those of you bottle suckers that don't know who this is, I now feel sorry for you. This is Lord Zedd from the original Power Rangers series. Him and Rita Repulsa (the witch) used to terrorize the Power Rangers all the time. It wasn't until the Rangers went into space in order to find and rescue Zordon that the show went down hill. If you have any fond memories of watching them let me know.
I would now like to sing a ballad I imaginarily thought about writing:
I saw you once sitting on the ugly chair,
it was later that I realized it twas your hair.
Jumping up and down like a springy springy thing,
I ran up and slapped you with a dead birds wing.
Thanking isn't necessary for friends like us,
it be better if you just forgave me for that time that I strangled your pet gopher when I thought it was coming to eat my collection of celebrity's used tin foil. How was I supposed to know it wasn't and I didn't appreciate your tone of voice when you were yelling at me. If you're going to yell, yell quietly so my sleeping fish won't wake. Thank goodness that when you yelled at me before my fish just kept sleeping belly side up. Oh, and something that rhymes with 'us.'

Fif tee

What am I doing in this picture? Well there's a few things I'm not doing. I'm not dancing on top of a dead rose bush (that's not a reference to the former presidents). I'm not juggling rats with rabies under water. I'm not licking the dust off of a big screen tv. I am definitely not practicing running from runaway steamrollers. I tried that once and the outcome wasn't worth it. What I am doing is sitting Indian style with a laptop on my lap and laughing like a stereotypical Asian.
As a totally off the topic and random thing, if my neighbor down the street is wondering why her rose bushes are trashed, why her pet rats have rabies and why they were found dead in their pool... I have no idea.

for da nine

This was yesterdays:
What says "flipping sweet" more than wearing a shirt labeled as such, sitting on a swing while eating a large lolly and sniffing outwardly? Nothing! That's what! So stop asking about it grandma Gilbert and go back to your Barbie the Crowd Surfing Elf comic book collection already.

Holy 48 Batman

You got to jump, jive and kick your whale away. And some people say i don't know words to any hip songs... Those people are close to the truth but the words i don't know i make up. That's the life motto for my friend currently living down by the river and if tv has taught me anything, it's that those kind of people can always be trusted. That's why i an lending him my savings account number, password, and the coupon to my first born child. He'll get those things back to me soon.

Take a 7 and put it after a 4.

Treat others how your ewe would want to be treated. Learn to laugh at your elf. Look both ways before cussing. Don't count your legs before you wear a sash. The early turd gets the warmth. These are just a few of the life lessons I was taught growing up. At least I think so. They used to call me Ear Finger cuz I had a habit of keeping my fingers in my ears so I didn't hear things clearly sometimes. One thing I did get right is the responsibilities of the "wingman." A wingman needs to make the other guy always look good in comparison, make the girls think that the other guy is kind hearted for being willing to actually spend time with him and look goofy in a large pair of goggles while in the passanger seat. Done and Done. If you are in need of an experienced wingman let me know. I have a few friends that are good at it.

82 minus 36

This is my interpretation of me being splattered by a fall down the stairs. It happens more than you think. It's so frequent and cool that some people make shirts to simulate it. If a group of straight pirates were to come up with a splatter shirt, it would come out to look something like this shirt. It's amazing what you can find at good will type stores. I don't know what's more weird about some of those stores; how they sell used underwear or the fact that my uncle Melvin buy's them after trying several on. Just so you know, if you ever see me at one of those stores hiding in the clothing racks, you'd be wise to cover your eyes because that means uncle Melvin is looking for someone's advice on how a whitey-tighty looks on him. Not a sight anyone wants to see. Even his mother used to put on a welding visor when she changed his diaper. I'd rather not get into the 'why' of that...

four to the five

This was yesterdays. I had a graduation I went to so I didn't get to put it up... until NOW:

Talent Scout. It's the words on my shirt. The shirt I rarely wear. The times I actually wear it are not frequent. They're infrequent like birds flying north for the winter. The cold, white and unforgiving winter. Unforgiving like trying to stop a run away car, driven by a rather large person, by jumping in front of it with your hands behind you back and getting boo-boos from it. Behind great people are less great people with less greatness. Greatness that is only determined by the amount of oranges in your collection.

This has been deep thoughts by the author.

4 four

I'm willing to be that some of my dates wish that I had this over my face the entire time. To those girls and one farm animal that might be thinking that I say... nothing because if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all unless you are turned into a horse or a blender. And that one time I was turned into a blender, I had a few choice words to say I tell you what! Oddly enough, I figure that being turned into a toaster would be better. Sure it may get a little crummy at times (pun intended), but you'd be warm every so often. Plus you may even save a life. Let's just say that a person is driving down the highway late at night and they put some bread into said toaster which is on the passenger seat next to them. Obviously the person has a power adapter so the toaster plugs into the cigarette lighter. The person then starts to doze off and veers into the lane of oncoming traffic and is about to be hit head on by a semi when "POP" the toast is done. That wakes the person up, they get back on their side of the road and avoid the semi. The person eats the toast and continue on down the road singing the song roughly entitled "My toaster saved me from the trucker." In stores now!

Please keep in mind that the song is not actually in stores and having a real person in the passenger seat, instead of a toaster, may be more beneficial.