5 Too Dayie

For those who don't understand what this shirt is about, there's three and a half things you should know:
1- The emblem of the Soviet Union (the political system that existed in Russia from 1917 to 1989) was the hammer crossed with a sickle. The hammer stood for industry while the sickle represented agriculture. This shirt employs, for the purpose of being ironic, what I suppose you would call a malapropism (switching a word around with a similar sounding work that has a completely different meaning). In this case “sickle”, the curved blade used for the harvesting of crops and “Popsicle”, a brand of frozen, sugary treats.
B- I love Popsicles more than I could ever love a baby hyena. No exaggeration.
III- I wear shirts like this to get ladies to notice my muscular chest. And I don't care what your book reading group says aunt Lucy! My shirts are way better than those hand hats you make that say stupid things like "I got to hand it to you," or "With hat on hand I'll be your friend." So for the last time, stop putting hats on my hands while I'm sleeping. That's the monster under my bed's job and he gets mad when he can't do it. And I have to clean up after him...
1/2- This shirt helped me find your biological dad little Billy. His name is...(this is half of the message Billy. Sorry. Maybe you'll find out on your own some day)